John?
Oh, hi LiveJournal. I know, I haven't posted in a while. What's that? Have I found somebody else? No, it's no like that. Well, I'll let you down easy. There is someone else. No, it's not your fault. Well, it's just that your functionality has been a little subpar lately, and you don't fit my lifestyle. The truth is, there is someone else; her name is tumblr, and she makes me happy. Don't cry. Please. I'm happy with tumblr, and you should be happy for me, too. See, why do you think I looked for other blogs? You never thought about me. Goodbye LJ.
If you could decifer that, you might have figured out that I've ditched LJ for tumblr. I leave this up for a brief transition period, but I'm here now.
Byyyeeee.
- 2009: The Year Of Matt Damon
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
avant576- March 23rd, 2009
He can investigate anyone he fucking wants to!
2009: The Year of the Damon. Only nominated once for an acting Oscar (supporting for Good Will Hunting), he did win (share) the 'scar for Best Original Screenplay (with Ben Affleck). He's unarguably one of the decade's finest 'young' actors, and I hope he enjoys extreme critical acclaim for the next decade as well. Let's take a look on what's on tap for 2009:
Matt Damon in Raging BullThe Informant
Coming on October 9th (after being rescheduled from March 27th and Sep 18th), Warner Bros. brings us this Steven Soderbergh directed tale of corporate whistleblowing, starring Matt Damon as Mark Whitacre. Mark Brokovich anyone? This has been in the can for a while (hence the original release date 5 days from now), and Damon is being carefully eyed for a lead actor nomination (hence the release date move to Oscar territory). It's also Soderbergh's #2 2009 release; he's got Sundance's The Girlfriend Experience from Magnolia coming in on May 22nd. That's about that high-class hooker/senator thing from last year, though it's real and a real porn star is the lead actress.
Matt Damon at war (real guy for comparison)Green Zone
This one from Universal is rumored to be coming to us around November or December; I'm calling Thanksgiving week (you heard it here). At this point they've got Nine, Old Dogs, and now The Box has been bumped to H'ween for James McTiegue's Ninja Assassin. What appeared to be dead in the water release (originally scheduled for January) now gets a prime date. That gives The Box it's seventh or so release date move; it was moving closer and closer to Oscar territory (possibly to help Frank Langella's supporting performance get noticed), but this new move is pretty 'aw, fuck it.' Warner Bros. can make so clutch plays, but I say boo to that. Back to Green Zone. It's about the life of solider(s) inside Iraq's demilitarized 'green' zone. No one's heard much because, well, Universal sucks at buzz.
Looks cute.Ponyo On The Cliff By The Sea
This Japanese animated film came out there last summer, and is (probably) eyeing some kind of U.S. release because, well, it's been dubbed by an American voice cast, including Damon and Cate Blanchett, among others. Did you know Damon was the voice of Spirit in Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron?
Nice ass Eastwood.The Human Factor
Directed by Clint Eastwood, this one's coming to us sometime in December. After the massive success of Gran Torino, Warner Bros. quickly added 'Untitled Clint Eastwood Project' for December 2009. Between then and now, it's still widely considered the 'Untitled Clint Eastwood Project,' but the normal title is rumored to be The Human Factor. It's about Nelson Mandela (played by Morgan Freeman) and some guy in short-shorts (Damon). Eastwood wouldn't be my first choice for a film about a South African president, but, well... it'll be good. When I think of Mandela, I always think of Norman Mineta instead, GWB's Transportation secretary. I'm batty! Damon's also being eyed for a supporting statue for this as well.
Hi! Do u no wehn r movie coms out??!?1?Margaret
Originally filmed in 2005 (!), Margaret is rumored to finally be reaching screens this year at the hand of Fox Searchlight (who is also loaded this year). It stars Anna Paquin (whom I detest, but, somehow, like most of her work) as a witness to a bus accident that becomes more, I guess. Matt Damon play her love interest? and Mark Ruffalo's in there somewhere. Colored me pessemistic, but, then again, why wouldn't I see it?
That's it for 2009, but don't discount a cameo appearance in some random movie. He popped up in 2007's Youth Without Youth and 2008's Che without anyone's knowledge. He's so fucking sneaky like that. He's what's on tap for 2010 and beyond...
The Adjustment Bureau
A Philip K. Dick adaptation.
Bourne 4
Some kind of continuation starring Jason Bourne. A prequel? A sequel? It's said to be adapted from a 4th Bourne novel (not written by Ludlum), but not a straight-forward adaptation. Either way, I don't give a care.
It was rumored that he was offered Kirk in the new Star Trek. Good choice? Adrien Brody was supposed to be Spock, too.
Apparently Gary Sinise was in the running for whoever that guy is.
So far, he's got 5 movies (maybe) coming out in 2009... that's what Sammy Jackson had in 2008. Except Damon won't be signing any 9 picture deals anytime soon.
- A Few Things & Review Revue
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- avant576
- March 18th, 2009
I'm combining two fan-favorite entry types into one fantastic super-entry... a Review Revue and A Few Things!
Review Take Three: Synecdoche, New York
It's still heartbreaking, terrifying, and incredibly sad; just this time it was in stunning Blu-ray (makes it more sad). I think I understood it less this time, but enjoyed it more. I think I love it so much because I can't understand what's going on. I've upgraded to motion picture."Sometimes I fantasicize about Caden dying; behind able to start over guilt free."
"Does that feel terrible, Caden?"
[Caden nods yes, holding back tears]
Rating: Still 5 out of 5 stars
Motion Picture
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Review: Serpico
A very powerful and real picture; the 70s keep getting better. Lumet continues to crank out hits for me, and this is not exception. Pacino blasts into the American conciousness, performing more originally than he did The Godfather the year before. His specific style (yelling, cursing, etc.) becomes evident. The handheld camerawork at 105 different locations really defines this film, as well as it's true life police corruption storyline.
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Film
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Review: The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford
A beautiful western (in the east) of epic proportions. Roger Deakins's cinematography is exhibit one; just stunning camerawork through the use of 'Deakinizer' lens (which created a blurred look on the edges of the screen), the stark contrast between dark and light, and the utilization of the grandiose set pieces, which is exhibit two. I guess there's still pristine, untouched wilderness in Alberta (where it was filmed). Beautiful pine trees and such. I can go on and on about how the film looks, but the performances were notable as well. Pitt steps into a villainous (albeit misunderstood) role as Jesse James (whom he bears a noticeable resemblance to) and plays perfectly. Casey Affleck (in an Oscar-nominated role) shines as the coward Robert Ford; it's a nuanced performance for the ages. Pretty soon Ben's gonna be Casey's brother. Zooey Deschanel turns up for a few scenes near the end (many of her scenes were cut so the 4-hour running time could be trimmed down to the theatrical 160 minutes). She seriously had like a minute and a half of screen time, but it was her. Ted Levine turns up for a few minutes as well; he's my pick for Best Supporting Actor in 2009, as 'the warden' in Scorsese's Shutter Island. I don't recommend this film; I only admire it selfishly and it's been on my mind since. Also can't get the magical 'Song For Jesse' out of my head (the wonderful score was done by Nick Cave, and it's all on YouTube).Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
Film
Beautiful scene.
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Review: Suicide Kings
A very shitty movie with an inspired performance from Walken and a laugh-out-loud one from Denis Leary and his stingray boots. Seriously, don't waste your time with this shitflick. It's such a poorly-made movie.
Rating: 1 out of 5 stars
Flick
<->
A Few Things...
-I'm in progess on The Godfather: Part III. I can feel it's inferiority to parts I & II already, but I must muscle through it. I've heard the tall tales of Sofia Coppola's acting ability, but christ it's bad. It's director-father-puts-his-own-daughter-in-his-foregone-movie-even-though-she-has-no-t alent bad.
-This weekend's box office competition will be pretty interesting (the first of 2009). There's a shitty movie, a potentially awesome movie, and a been-there done-that FratPackTM movie. And what they call The Great Buck Howard; a shitty Sundance 2006 (maybe) holdover that's finally getting it's chance to suck to the tune of 50 theaters.
Nic Cage in The Happening II: Knowing
-Elegy hit the DVD stores (what are those?) yesterday. It looks like one of those overlooked 2008 films that I wll continue to overlook. It features, according to the DVD material, Oscar winner Dennis Hopper and... Penelope Cruz; whoever the fuck that is. If you not an idiot, you know DH has never won an Oscar (he has, however, been nominated (for Hoosiers and writing Easy Rider)). Penelope Cruz did just win an Oscar, though, in case didn't hear; a fact that didn't care to add.
She looks cuter with bangs. He looks cuter without bangs.-Watchmen LEGO guys (take note... set includes Indiana Jones and Batman). Don't worry, these are fan made; not for production. Do check out that, though:
I personally enjoy Ozymandius's cat-thing becoming a speaking role.Watch out! (Also not real).
-Check out Nic Cage: A Career In (Baffling) Pictures and The Nic Cage Movie Plot Generator, both courtesy of Cracked.
-I deactivated my Facebook account, and it feels great. No more figuring out if people are in a class that sucks, or have to go to work, or just posted a new album of them drinking on (insert weekday) night, or any other fucking thing I don't give a shit about (everything). As much as those updates are important to me, I find that it (life) is much better without them.
That's my office.
-I hate celebrity gossip, but these people are hardly 'celebrities:' Did yoy know Michelle Williams and Spike Jonze are dating? I didn't. Who better than to fill Heath Ledger's void (or Williams's void, for that matter (and by void I mean vagina)). Speaking of Jonze, the Where The Wild Things Are poster came out yesterday, and the trailer will be attached to Monsters vs. Aliens on the 27th. I will not be going to see MVA, but instead I will see it like a normal person that day online. For free.
You don't carry the diaper bag unless you're in it to win it.
-Stay tuned for Best Movie Music, coming later this week!
- Review Revue: A Lot
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- avant576
- March 16th, 2009
Some movies, some films, a couple of flicks, some experiences, and an abomination. Here goes...
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Watchmen
This probably would have deserved it's own review if it had been good. Whether you had high expectations going in, or low expectations, you have to admit; as a reader of the graphic novel, justice was not done. I read the whole in four days four days prior to 369, and I was glad I did. I was able to be way more critical of the film and understand most of the subtle things the film felt it didn't need to explain. One of the novel's strengths was creating the 1980s sense of dread due to the threat of mutually-assured destruction by hand of the Soviets or by our own hand. I never truly understood how close the Cold War was from going into a 'real' war mode until I read Watchmen. Of course, in Watchmen, it takes that level to an extreme (and Nixon's president) (and there are superheroes), but the translation of the national consciousness was just the same. That's the one thing the film didn't translate; that sense of dread. I can disqualify the film on just that level, but I'll go on. I hated 300. It was graphic, violent pornography with no narrative and empty characters. Filmed behind countless greenscreens and filled with the cheesiest slow motion sequences, it was no more than a way for hack Zack Snyder to show off his non-talent. In Watchmen, it's much of the same. There's a few more characters, and the source material is actually important. I could dissect specific scenes, and point on certain elements that made me cringe, but I'll spare the nitpicking and say boo to just the elements I mentioned above. The one thing that stood out, for me, was the marvelous title sequence, set to Dylan's "The Times They Are A Changing" Some say it clique to set a montage of times changing to said song, but I say it was perfect and captured countless pages on the novel in a few minutes of screen time; it gave me chills. From there, it got boring. The placement of Hendrix's "All Along The Watchtower" seemed like a last minute squeeze-in, like 'oh shit we have to put this in here;' it didn't fit with the scene. The ending switcheroo didn't do justice to the squid, but it kind-of accomplished the same effect. All in all, someone had to adapt it; it's just a shame that a gimmicky director like Snyder had to. The Spill crew mentioned David Fincher as someone who could have pulled it off. I agree.
Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
Movie
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The Untouchables
The Untouchables clocks in at #4 on my Bottom 50. I'll start by saying the De Niro as Al Capone was a joy to watch. I could watch his three or four scenes again and pretend their in a different movie. The rest was the crappiest, ill-conceived, poorly-directed drivle I've ever seen (save number 3, 2, and 1 on my Bottom 50 (Ghost Rider, Cube 2: Hypercube, and Slumdog Millionaire respectively)). Nay-sayers will say 'oh, it's just campy,' and that is worst excuse possible. This was not campy because it was serious. I have lost all respect for Kevin Costner and his fucking terrible performance, and Brian DePalma (it's my first of his movies, so I probably won't be checking out his other shit anytime soon). De Niro is safe. A huge, limp dick, fucked-face disappointment of a movie.
Rating: 0 out of 5 stars
Abomination
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Annie Hall
Not a fan.
Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
Movie
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Blindness
Great.
Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars
Film
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sex, lies, and videotape
Ooh.
Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars
Film
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The Promotion
Cute.
Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars
Movie
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War, Inc.
Fuck.
Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars
Flick
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Lakeview Terrace
Awesome.
Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
Cinematic Experience
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Crash (1997)
Sex.
Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars
Cinematic Experience
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W.
Ugh.
Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars
Movie
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Running With Scissors
No.
Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars
Flick
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A FEW ADDITIONAL NOTES
> I'm not watching The Truman Show again unless it's Blu-ray.
> I'm in progress on Serpico and The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford
> After those, I'm settling down with either Synecdoche, New York (take three) on Blu-ray, City Of God (take 1.5 (I'll explain)), or The Graduate)
> I discovered BitTorrent and downloaded 44 movies whilst on a non-Bryant internet connection
> I'm in possession of 79 movies that I have yet to see... time to get cranking.
- Review Revue: Too Many To List II
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- avant576
- March 6th, 2009
I lied; I now love two of these, like two, and still hate one... Without further adieu...The Contender
Not be confused with the defunct boxing reality show than ran on NBC a few years back and actually made a successful network jump to ESPN for an additional season or two. The Condenter is Rod Lurie liberal bullshit. In additional to Rod Lurie's liberal bullshit, the liberal bullshit of Steven Spielberg, Jeffrey Katzenberg, and David Geffen, the then-stakeholders of Dreamworks SKG, demanded editing to make it more liberal, so it could be viewed as pro-Gore propaganda in lieu of the 2000 election a week after the film's release. I'm not exactly sure how the film is pro-Gore, after seeing it, but it sure is pro-Jeff Bridges (he plays President Evan Jackson). I can say fullwell that he's the best fictional president I've seen portrayed on the silver screen. Here's the best part... just two years before Bridges played Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski in Joel & Ethan Coen's masterpiece The Big Lebowski, a film about bowling, among other things. About a third of whole movie takes place in a bowling alley, though we never see The Dude bowl. In Bridge's second scene in The Contender, he's bowling. And, President Jackson's right-hand-man, is played by Sam Elliot, a.k.a The Stranger (and the narrator) from Lebowski. It reminds me of Peter Stormare's characters from Fargo and Lebowski as well. Throughout the entirety of Fargo, Stormare's Gaear keeps asking Buscemi's Carl if they can 'go to pancakes house,' much to Carl's chagrin. In Stormare's first scene in Lebowski, he and his Nihlist buddies are eating at pancakes house. Now that that's out of the way, I can tell you that this is straight-up hippie bullshit, packaged in the most preachy and left-wing form possible. But, that being said, it tells a great story that would be awesome in real life. The mechanisms of the executive branch are butterflyed open for all to see, and it's a doozy to watch. If you like politics, The West Wing, or, yeah, that's pretty much it... then you should check it out. Come to think, it's like The West Wing if all 8 seasons where bottled into two hours. Sound enticing? It is.
Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars
Movie
Meet Joe Black
An absolutely elegant film. I went in this relatively blind, expect for a 'don't buy it, you'll hate it' suggestion, and was shocked to see a 46% rotten Tomatometer and general disdain for the length, premise, and melodrama. Color me just the opposite; this was definitely my cup of tea. Top 50 for sure. Claire Forlani is beautiful; it's a shame she's drifting into the ether in terms of being a actress. He last memorable was opposite Jackie Chan in The Medallion (sarcastic thumbs-up for you, Claire). Any fan of her raw beauty and impeccable timing and ability can relish in her performance her. It's so nuanced and calculated, every fidget, stare, and step is mesmorizing. The same can be said about Pitt as well. He's essentially playing a child inside a, well, Brad Pitt, unaware of his new surroundings. He has to adapt, teaching himself how to eat, sit down, and make sweet, sweet love. Side note: best PG-13 sex scene. Fuck that: best sex scene. Loved it. Everything a sex scene should be, even without nudity. Hopkins play a good guy for once, and does a superb job of it. We are also treated to memorable supporting performances from Marcia Gay Harden, Jake Weber (made we miss watching Medium), and Jeffrey Tambor (I know!). All things considered, Black explores a question nobody thought to ask (except the filmmakers of the original movie this is based on, Death Takes A Holiday); what if God/Death/The Angel Of Death/Some Mythical Being That Created Us/Dr. Manhattan was one of us? And what would he/she/it want to learn? And why it would want to choose a stud-muffin as it's guide? It's just a perfect, perfect film that goes on and on, but then again, I wished it would never end. And... awesome vehicular homicide scene.
Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
Motion Picture
What Just Happened?
What tries to be a satire, but instead, it's just a straight adaptation of life as a Hollywood producer, which, as the movie shows us, doesn't just suck; it's boring. It's fun seeing the mechanics of how a movie is produced, but then again, it's the shadiest and least interesting element of the life of a film. As for comedy? The extent of the film's hilarity comes from 'OMG Bruce Willis has a beard and they can't shoot the movie! Isn't that funny?' Robert De Niro is top-notch excellent, despite the negativity I have. I've never not liked a De Niro performance, and this is no exception. He's the only character with depth, and the only character I cared for. I liked seeing Catherine Keener as a studio head, again, just liked her role in S1M0NE. What a thing to be typecast as, huh? If you've read any review for this, positive or negative, you know it's extremely inside, which basically means 'this is funny because we, the filmmakers, have experienced it; therefore, it is funny to us, and we don't really care.' That being said, it is a good window into the Hollywood mechanism, but what we get to see is bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling. Pretty much.
Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars
Flick
In The Bedroom
I'll start by pointing out the excellence of the poster (above). The top half features Matt & Ruth in the last scene of the film, and the bottom half features Frank & Natalie in the first scene of the film. To top it all off, it's quietly brilliant and shows the quadratic dissonance between wife/mother, husband/father, son and son's lover. Going in, I expected a stark commentary and contrast between the sexual relationship of an aging couple and, on the other hand, that of a young couple. Just look at the poster and the title. I was wrong; in fact, 'the bedroom' refers to the inside netting of a lobster trap. When two lobsters enter the bedroom, the begin to turn on each other, illustrating the need to empty the traps often. There's so subtext there that relates to the rest of the film, but I won't get into it. So, it's not all about sex, but it deals a lot with lobsters and a bunch of other things you never see coming.
The film takes place in and around the Camden/Rockland, Maine area, as well as a brief venture to Old Orchard Beach. I don't believe I've ever visited the former, but as for the latter, I know it well and recognized most of the landmarks gleefully (OMG that's Palace Playland!!!1!). Camden is a beautiful town, and the film perfectly captured the true elegance of the Maine coast and it's small-town charm. It's the first time I've seen a film set in Maine and, afterwards, have been proud to say 'I live there,' and truly feel blessed to live in the land of 'the way life should be.' To me, that was the most moving element for me. Onto the film. Drector Todd Field, no stranger to Maine (the 'cabin' is his personal summer home), and the subilties of what it means to be from Maine shows (I totally just wrote the Poland Spring slogan without even thinking about). For example, there's Oakhurst milk, Hannaford brand products, Route 73 through Camden, Red Sox games on the WEEI Red Sox Radio Network; just to name a few. This is nitpicky, but, during the Old Orchard Beach scene, a refer is made to the airport behind south of OOB, while PWM is north of OOB. Then again, they could have been talking about Logan, so I'll let it slide.
Nominated for 4 Academy Awards (Best Picture, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Actor (Wilkinson), Best Actress (Spacek), and Best Supporting Actress (Tomei)), it won none of them; shocking. Then again, getting an Oscar these day doesn't mean shit (SM). Once the story goes where it goes, it investigates emotions so subtlely and deals with the subject mattter so masterfully; it's a dream for the characters and it's a dream to watch. If you live in Maine, it's required viewing. If not, treat yourself to an introspective into the psyches of four deep characters and what drives them to do what they do.
The film is based on a French short story. The credits and such are in French; it threw me off quite a bit. That's it. Bye.
Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars
Film
Der Krieger und die Kaiserin (The Princess And The Warrior)
I'm almost through with Tom Tykwer's filmography:
- I just tried Winterschlafer a few weeks ago and couldn't get through it.
-The International is begging me to go see itself, but I can't shell out the benjies for what could potentially be a pretty bad movie; i'll wait until a good ripoff comes online.
-He has a short in Paris, je t-aime as well (come to think, so do the Coens, and I've seen all their features).
So far, Lola>Perfume>>>This>Heaven>What I Saw Of Winterschlafer
Through the entirety of the film, I was hung up on Benno Fürmann, the male lead, and who he looked like. Until about thirty seconds ago, I settled on Patrick Wilson, reluctantly, but positive about the situation.
But then it hit me; he's the German doppleganger/male equivalent of VERA FARMIGA.
Eh?
It's not to put Vera down, but only to boost Benno. He's hot! Vera Farmiga hot!
Anyway, Der Krieger und die Kaiserin, or The Princess And The Warrior, or, as it's literally translated, The Warrior And The Empress. I would have liked the latter better; the former makes we think of Xena: Warrior Princess. The film, fortunately, does not feature a warrior or a princess, but as you can guess, you're supposed to assume the two main characters are such in their own light. And I vouch for that. Anyway, it's a glorious film. I could have ended in one of sixteen different places, and I would have been satisfied. Instead of doing that, though, the story dragged on. It was going to a succinct destination the whole time, but the general tension created by the music and the dialogue throughout the last hour created a sense of 'it must be coming to a close within a few minutes' except for the fact that it was like that for a whole hour. Franka Potente is once again mesmorizing, except this time we don't get to see her run as much. It was a very imaginative film that I liked.
Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars
Film
- I'm Finished
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- avant576
- March 3rd, 2009
Here's a little mini-review... I just finished Watchmen moments ago, and, it was very good. Not life changing, but intense, prophetic, and epic nonetheless. I'm glad to have it under my belt going into the theater on Friday.
That makes this the fifth book I've read in preparation for a 2009 film, joining the ranks of Shutter Island, The Road, The Lovely Bones, and The Time Traveler's Wife.
It's a different experience going into a film with having 'read the book' beforehand. I can't count The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, because Eric Roth did a great job of completely changing everything about F. Scott Fitzgerald's short story, save for the loose premise and the name of the protagonist. I'm not saying it was a bad thing, but I would have loved a one-and-a-half to two-hour line-for-line adaptation of it; though, what we got in the end was spectacular. I guess the only other example I can think of is Into The Wild. Not a book I particularly enjoyed or gave a shit about, but having read the source material first made for a more pleasant and revealing cinematic experience. I sure, having not read Watchmen before hand, I would be seriously WTF coming out of the theater. It's a challenging novel; one that challenges the reader's own existence and fragility in a cruel and unstable world. I was able to draw some stark parallels between the alternate-1985 that's been envisioned and the world today. Watchmen describes a desperate man, afraid of nuclear in the U.S., killing his whole family so theywouldn't have to go through it. Fast forward to today; an L.A. man, distraught over losing his job, kills his family. There are others comparisons, but some are a little spoilery. So, I'll leave at that. Color me very anxious for Friday.
- Review: Cache (Hidden)
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- avant576
- February 24th, 2009
Another exercise in monotony and pain from director Michael Haneke. If you've seen Funny Games (1997 or 2008), then you know Haneke doesn't make enjoyable or entertaining films; he tries to create the most uncomfortable and unwatchable works of arts possible, complete with 5+ minute interludes of nothingness, meant to extract the viewer from the film through sheer boredom. In Funny Games, it was cool; I had never seen those techniques to create tension and fear, so I enjoyed it... to an extent. Watching this, it's solidified my incling of Haneke being a hack. He's better at making art than anything enjoyable. If you enjoy staring at a Rembrandt for an hour and trying to figure out the meaning, I recommend this. If you enjoy taught, tightly-edited thrillers with real tension and a score, perhaps, I do not recommend this. If you intrigued by the deep gash on the poster, I suggest fast-forwarding to when you see it, and enjoy that scene. I could say some good things, but I won't. You've been warned.
Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars
Film
- The Biggest Abomination On Film Wins Film's Top Prize
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- avant576
- February 23rd, 2009
Every Indian who contributed to the production of this film doesn't yet realize that a movie about how shitty India is is actually a movie about shitty India is. Stop smiling! You are being exploited for the sake of Danny Boyle's career and for America to look better in comparison. If you grow up in the slums of a third-world country, don't worry; you one true love (whom you've know for a few days of your pitiful life) still holds out hope for you, even though your own brother basically sold her to the highest bidder. Don't worry about that, either. He'll kill himself after having a sudden attack of conscience. And yes, money solves everything. She only loves you because, deep down, she's a money-grubbing whore. Either she remembers you from when she was five or she's in it for the cool million you just won. I could go on and on, but I'd rather just break into a precisely choregraphed dance number. I realize that it's inspired by Bollywood films. But, BOLLYWOOD MOVIES SUCK. They are cheap knock-offs of American cinema that should not be recognized by Americans or British filmmakers in any way, shape, or form. Basically, this movie is being recognized for being a double regurgitation of American love/redemption/destiny-type stories that are recognized by the once highly-regarded Academy. The fact that this film even got any nominations is beyond belief. Every element of this film is terribly executed, cheap, and just plain terrible. I stand by declaration of this being the worst film I have ever seen. It is a sad, sad day; I can't believe an abomination such as this has won the hearts of so many shit-headed fuck-faces across the globe. Fuck this movie, fuck everyone associated with it, and fuck anyone who enjoyed even a second of it.
- The 81st Annual Academy Awards... And The 1st Annual 'A Film Blog Goes LIVE'
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- avant576
- February 22nd, 2009
BLINK AND MISSED exclusive never-before-seen footage of Public Enemies, Amelia, 500 Days Of Summer, Whatever Works, Inglourious Basterds, Sherlock Holmes, and more during the credits. I'm glad I stuck around!
I'm done. Thanks for following me on this wondrous and shitty night. Join me next year as Shutter Island wins Best Picture. Thank you!
11:53: Best Picture: Slumdog Millionaire. 12 for 24. Half right. Aww, nuts.
11:52 - God I love movies.
11:46 - I suppose it's better that Penn's up there shaming gay-haters than Rourke taking about his dogs and bangin' girls in the ass. Thanks for recognizing him, though. That was good.
11:44 - Sean Penn just snatched the V-card from Rourke so hardcore. OUCH. OUUCCH. Best Actor: Sean Penn. 11 for 23. I am a commy, homo-loving bastard, Sean. But, wow. That's an upset.
11:37 - What an epic line-up of MEN
11:33 - Best Actress: Kate Winslet, The Reader. 11 for 22. Whoop-de-doo.
11:24 - Alright: Hathaway, Rourke, Slumdog. Let's get it over with.
11:22 - Boyle's a great director, but it's too bad he's being rewarded for crap like Slumdog.
11:21: Best Director: Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire. 11 for 21. 7th for Slumdog. And Boyle's on crack.
11:20 - I love David Fincher more than you.
11:19 - Ooh, Director before Actor/Actress.
11:15 - Not bad... except I hate the Queen.
11:11 - Death montage.
11:08 - At least we get to see non-Indians up there for a second.
11:07 - Best Foreign Film: Departures!!!???! What the fuck!? Ouch for Waltz. 10 for 20.
11:06 - What a random matchup. Neeson and the Slumdog chick?
11:01 - Best Original Song: Jai Ho, Slumdog Millionaire. Biggest crime of the fucking night. Not only did they cut down the fucking category to three nominees, but K-Oed the best songs and then snubbed the only real song for the win. FUCK. 10 for 19.
11:00 - I'm told that's John Legend. Whatever.
10:57 - Sad. Who is that in place of Gabriel? Whomever he is, he's not doing it justice.
10:56 - Boo. Still bitter about this montage thing. And the Bruce snub.
10:54 - Best Score: Slumdog. 10 for 18
10:51 - Pieces from each score... I like that.
10:49 - Is it a big surprise that a little asian girl can work a camera?
10:47 - This won't be over soon.
10:46 - Does PSH have cancer? What's with his nice little wool cap. Oh wait, chemo makes your beard hair fall out, too. I learned that from Sunny.
10:42 - Jerry Lewis gets an award for being funny, I guess. And for being a mega-humanitarian
10:41 - I shudder when I hear Eddie Murphy and nominee in the same phrase.
10:34 - Best Film Editing: Slumdog Millionaire. That one I got. 10 for 17.
10:33 - God, it's just sound. Get off!
10:31 - Best Sound Mixing: Slumdog Millionaire. I mixed 'em up! 9 for 16.
10:30 - OK, they just played fucking Mr. Blue Sky!!!
10:30 - Lemme guess; mixing is next.
10:29 - Best Sound Editing: The Dark Knight. Damn, I tagged it for mixing. 9 for 15.
10:28 - Will is so suave.
10:27 - Best Visual Effects: Button, once again! 3 for 7. Me: 9 for 14.
10:25 - Awesome. Action montages are the best.
10:23 - Now onto post-production awards.
10:22 - Tom Cruise doesn't have a cat.
10:19 - They just played the Cloverfield Anthem!
10:17 - Right on to short subject; they ain't messing around. Best Documentary Short-Subject: Smile Pinki. 8 for 13.
10:16 - I believe in magic, Phillipe!
10:15 - Best Documentary Feature: Man On Wire. 8 for 12.
10:14 - Boo Bill Maher. Your ridiculous movie was crap. Don't try to plug it. Why are you presenting this category?
10:12 - What teeth!
10:11 - Good.
10:08 - The family. Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger. 7 for 11.
10:07 - Who's gonna accept?
10:06 - Brothers need the work, says Cuba Gooding Jr. (Boat Trip).
10:04 - Really Alan Arkin? Seymour Philip Hoffman?
9:56 - We can't have Gabriel play all of Down To Earth, but we can have this??
9:46 - Best Live-Action Short Film: Toyland. Four years of his life on a 15 minute film. Wow. 6 for 10.
9:45 - Way to highlight to worst comedies.
9:38 - God, the Mastercard Badger commercials ALWAYS get to me.
9:35 - I just got it. First comes the script, then the costume, makeup, and the filming. They're making a movie. The Oscar's is a movie! I may sound patronizing, but it is cool. Then wait; supporting actress is the first thing that happens?
9:34 - That was great. Best Cinematography: Slumdog Millionaire. 6 for 9.
9:32 - Yes! Joaquin Phoenix blasting!
9:30 - So, apparently having a hankering for a Coke is like heroin addiction.
9:25 - Like you know what Wings was, Robert and Amanda. Now for the romance montage. I LOVE these montages... they're like little Matt Shapiro vids all over again.
9:25 - Best speech yet. Just a huge list of names... and New Orleans.
9:24 - Best Makeup: The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button. Good. Button: 2 for 5. Me: 5 for 8.
9:23 - Jesus, they're blasting through this. Now, makeup. Still bitter over no Synecdoche nod.
9:20 - Best Costume Design: The Duchess! My dark horse takes it! 4 for 7.
9:17 - Best Art Direction: The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button. Button: 1 for 3. Me: 3 for 6.
9:15 - I loved Steve Martin and Tina Fey, by the way.
9:09 - Best Animated Short Film: La masion en petit cube. This guy can barely speak engrish. Then, domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. Furthering your own stereotypes. 2 for 5.
9:07 - Jack Black gives the award to the competition. Best Animated Feature. Do I even have to write it? WALL-E! 2 for 4.
9:03 - Boo! Don't reference your screenplay in your speech.
9:01 - Best Adapted Screenplay: Simon Beaufoy for Slumdog. The first of many... blah. 1 for 3.
9:00 - "Sleep me with me." "Absolutely." The best line from Button.
8:57 - This is all very innovative. Best Original Screenplay: Dustin Lance Black for Milk. He's gay! 1 for 2.
8:50 - The Hyundai commercials... that's definitely Jeff Bridges
8:48 - Best Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz. 1 for 1
8:46 - This IS different. I love it!
8:39 - That was awesome.
8:31 - I can't wait to see Jack Nicholson in his sunglasses.
8:28 - I may be mistaken, but that Cardi's ad might have had a Benjamin Button reference as well.
8:25 - Michael Giacchino is doing the music. Good.
8:02 - Josh Brolin is married to Diane Lane?
8:01 - I'll be back at 8:30.
8:00 - WHAT!? A fucking red carpet special?
7:59 - And here... we... go.
7:58 - HUGH BARBARA LAP DANCE
7:57 - Hugh Jackman gave Barbara Walters a lap dance.
7:41 - An Oscar: "you can't eat it, you can't fuck it, and it won't get you into heaven." Mickey
7:36 - Cardi's Furniture just did their take on The Ram and The Joker. [shudder].
7:32 - Promo for The Soloist... featuring The Killers' 'Human.' Yay! Too bad it's gonna suck. If you disagree, then tell me why it's coming out April 24th.
7:30 - Now Mickey Rourke's with Barbara... and he has his hand down his pants.
7:27 - I'm watching the Concorde disaster Dateline... and I've seen it before.
7:24 - Barbara Walters is overrated. And my ABC sucks. Imagine watching a VHS tape that's being rewound.
[He doesn't look pleased]
Some pre-show highlights:
<> Mickey Rourke won the Best Male Lead award last night at the Independent Spirit Awards. Here's his acceptance in it's entirely. Let's just say it rivals Tracy Morgan:
<> New predictions:
As much as I don't want most of this to happen, here's how it'll go down:Performance by an actor in a leading role
Mickey Rourke in The WrestlerPerformance by an actor in a supporting role
Heath Ledger in The Dark KnightPerformance by an actress in a leading role
Anne Hathaway in Rachel Getting MarriedPerformance by an actress in a supporting role
Penélope Cruz in Vicky Cristina BarcelonaBest animated feature film of the year
WALL-E, Andrew StantonAchievement in art direction
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Donald Graham Burt, Victor J. ZolfoAchievement in cinematography
Slumdog Millionaire, Anthony Dod MantleAchievement in costume design
The Duchess, Michael O’ConnorAchievement in directing
Slumdog Millionaire, Danny BoyleBest documentary feature
Man on WireBest documentary short subject
The Witness, Adam Pertofsky and Margaret HydeAchievement in film editing
Slumdog Millionaire, Chris DickensBest foreign language film of the year
Waltz with Bashir (Israel)Achievement in makeup
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Greg CannomAchievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,Alexandre DesplatAchievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
“Down to Earth” from WALL-E by Peter Gabriel and Thomas NewmanBest motion picture of the year
Slumdog MillionaireBest animated short film
Presto, Doug SweetlandBest live action short film
Manon on the Asphalt, Elizabeth Marre and Olivier PontAchievement in sound editing
Slumdog Millionaire, Tom SayersAchievement in sound mixing
The Dark Knight, Lora Hirschberg, Gary Rizzo and Ed NovickAchievement in visual effects
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Eric Barba, Steve Preeg, Burt Dalton and Craig BarronAdapted screenplay
The Reader, David HareOriginal screenplay
In Bruges, Martin McDonagh
Just a few changes, but most importanty, I changed my hunches so I could conform to trends.
<> Check out the new avatar
- A Few Things
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- avant576
- February 22nd, 2009
<> I'll be live-blogging the Academy Awards tonight (if I can figure what that means and how to do it). Stay tuned for my witty remarks to what will be an interesting and new presentation of America's most prestiguous film award.
"If actors didn't have awards shows, how would they know if they were any good?" Anonymous (probably not)
<> Just watched Taking Chance on HBO. It premiered at Sundance last month, and picked up by HBO in lieu of a theatrical release. Kevin Bacon stars as a number-crunching marine who volunteers to transport a KIA to his family in Montana. It was a moving and significant film, one that investigates the effect that one fallen soldier can have on the most random people. The words 'why are we over there?' were only mentioned once, and the whole 'senselessness of war' issue wasn't touched upon, which was refreshing. The moral of the story was a little forgone, but all in all, it was worth it because I can say I saw a film from Sundance. 3.5 out of 5 stars
<> Just picked up the Zodiac Director's Cut on Blu-Ray. Quite worth it. Now, not only do I have it on standard def and Blu-ray, I have the book by Graysmith too. Words can't describe how much I love Zodiac; it's a perfect film that tells an awesome story. Fincher's cut tacks on an additional five minutes, and I was able to pick up on where those bits were added. Bloodier and more violent deaths and an extended 'four years later' montage, for example. And, oh, Blu-ray is so vivid and crisp. So worth it.
And look how awesome the box is
- Review: The Visitor
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- avant576
- February 22nd, 2009
How Walter Got His Groove Back; expect, he never really had a groove to begin with. In comparison with another 'hardened old guy dives into a new foreign culture and ultimately accepts their ways and becomes a better person because of it' (Gran Torino), The Visitor is different. Both films feature a main character named Walter, but Walter Vail isn't bitter about gooks, spicks, towelheads, or what have you. He doesn't really have any sentiments whatsoever. He's a college professor ambling through widower purgatory, until he catches some illegals squatting at his second home (they weren't taking a dump). I guess Walter's landlord just double-booked the apartment, you know, no biggie. If he would have found a hooker bleeding to death on his couch and she told him that unless he blew up a hot dog stand her cats would run away, he would have. It's an extreme example, but my point is this: Walter needed direction, and the thrill he got from helping his squatters get citizenship was what he needed in his dull, lonely world. And when you least expect it, it turns into a love story; an random but welcome turn of events. As the situation snowballs and comes to a close, what you expect is going to happen doesn't, and you love it anyway. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE Richard Jenkins to take home the Oscar today, but if he doesn't, it was a genuine accomplishment for him to get a nod, and it's already paying off for him. A damn perfect film. #7 of 2008.
Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
Film
- The Top 100
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- avant576
- February 21st, 2009
- Review Revue: Harold And Maude, Dead Ringers & Croupier
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- avant576
- February 19th, 2009
Quite a trio of interesting and though-provoking films. Harold And Maude is truly a classic romantic comedy. It may not be conventional, but it's different in a good way and makes some good points about love, friendship, family, and drive. If you not a fuckhole that lives in a fuckhut, then you know Harold is a twentysomething spoiled-rotten trophy boy that falls hard for Maude, a 79-year-old... 79-year-old. They meet while funeral gazing (they're both obsessed with death) and are inseperable from that point on. Harold's psychiatrist points it out best; he has an double-Oepidal complex; instead of wanting to fuck his mother, he wants to fuck his grandmother. It's weird, but it gets weirder, because it goes from being silly and light-hearted to trying to tackle existentialism. A big let down, but salvagable at best.
Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
A MovieI highly recommend it; maybe then, somebody can explain to me what happens. Without a doubt, it's the most confusing movie I've ever seen, and I've seen Primer (granted, I've seen Primer at least five times).
Jeremy Irons (who gives a commanding performance and a commanding performance) plays twin gynecologists, Elliot and who run a practice in Toronto, but get thrown into a world of sex, metallurgy, drugs, and the basic family issues that come with the territory of swapping women with your twin bruva.
I don't think I'd like to watch it again, but it's very different, and I give it mad ups for that. Check it out if like Cronenberg or Irons, but not for any other reasons whatsoever.
Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars
A Cinematic Experience
A manly movie. Clive Owen says 'hey, I'm Clive Owen; deal with it' in a big way. In this little seen nor heard British drama, directed by Mike Hodges (who directed Get Carter with Michael Caine), Owen plays a croupier, which is what some Brits call dealers (even he had to explain it); I'm just glad it wasn't called Dealer. Interjection-style narration is a big highlight here (he essentially narrates his thoughts during conversation) as well as the complex and intriguing story. And there's an 'oh, yay!' kind of ending that ties it all together. If you like sexy, casino-centered drama with... fuck it; it's Clive Owen. Need I say more.
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Film
- Review: American History X
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- avant576
- February 19th, 2009
When a film sits on my shelf, one which I haven't yet watched, I think to myself "why haven't I watched that yet? I know I'll love it; why do I let it sit there?" Because, Virginia, deep down I was saving it for a day like last Sunday...
-I woke up... hastily... at 1:15... PM
-Got to work and ate some delicious cornbread muffins I had been saving for hastily-planned morning like that one
-Got FIRED!
-Played some Super Smash
-Played Some Mario Party
-Had a marvelous turkey dinner
-Played some Smarty Pants (awesome Wii trivia game)
-Played some poker
-Played Apples To Apples
-NOSEBLEED!
-Watched American History X
I'd say it's the best day I've ever had, in recent memory. The word 'play' appears five different times. Can you beat that? After NOSEBLEED, I knew it was movie time, but which one? There's 65 titles to choose from, all virgins to my eyes. Like a divine force, X lept out the case and began to play. It knew it had to be the nightcap to my perfect day. The rest is (forgive me) History. As for the film? My sentiments exactly.
The end.
Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars
A Film
- Review Revue: Too Many To List
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- avant576
- February 19th, 2009
Quite a jumble of films; here goes. Le scaphandre et le papillion (or The Diving Bell And The Butterfly for you non-French fucks)... is a stunning and revealing window into the everyday world of a stroke victim. It deserved all four of the nominations it got at the Oscars last year, though it didn't win anything (it's nods included Director, Adapted Screenplay, Cinematography, and Film Editing). If you wade through the French and like a good, moving tale, check this one out. If you watch anything nominated for an Oscar, like me, also check this one out.
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Film
Next there's Capote, which is all Philip Seymour Hoffman. You barely even notice the expectional performances of Catherine Keener (a personal fave of mine), Chris Cooper (again, a big favorite), and blink-and-you miss-her Amy Ryan. PSH and Keener have great chemistry (she's a real special fag hag to him, essentially); a dynamic they proved once again in Synecdoche, New York. A Cracked.com writer pointed out that the whole film is like a giant Scooby-Doo mystery; a writer travels to Kansas to solve the murders of Old Man Clutter (real name) and his family. He's right, but the execution of the story is on such an epic pedestal, that you can't touch it and you can't knock it. I'd also like to take this opportunity to say how awesome Cracked.com is; I spend hours reading articles every few hours. It's the most informative information stuffed into an easy-to-read and offensive format. For example: Capote is an exceptional and expertly-crafted film... or Capote is awesome as balls. Anyway, they did a good job of not not 'laying on the gay,' partly because Capote didn't flaunt it. One of my criticisms of Milk is that they did lay on the gay. In conclusion, I honestly had no fucking idea that Capote wrote Breakfast At Tiffany's. The end.
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Film
Moving on to Saving Private Ryan: it's pretty much required viewing. Whomever you are. That is all.
Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars
Motion Picture
Thief, Michael Mann's debut feature, mirrors his 1995 blockbuster Heat in many ways except one: Heat was good. Expect for one particular line that's sticking with me ("I'm gonna kick your cunt wife out in the street so she can get fucked in the ass by niggers and Puerto Ricans." (Tell me wouldn't run that line through your head 24 hours a day)), not much of it is recallable. Caan's performance is classic (mostly because he said to Mann "I'm going to do it this way") and inspired, and carries 90% of the film. We are also treated to Jim Belushi (and I'm sitting there thinking 'if you say so') and early incarnations of Dennis Farina (Snatch, Law & Order, Out Of Sight, etc.) and other guys (a bunch made their start with Thief). The soundtrack is done by Tangerine Dream, who also did Risky Business, among others. At some points, the iconic keyboard stream drowns out 75% of the audio; the sound mixing is not 'up there.' Caan plays a man desperate for love and desperate to get out of the business of safe-cracking, but agrees to do one more score. If that sounds cliched, remember, this in 1983 and Mann probably developed the plot device 'one last score.' With this, I've seen about half of Mann's films; I can say with great relish that he's an extremely original and inventive director who makes excellent and high-octane films that I love to watch. If you liked Heat and want to see an 80's version of it, see where Mann got his start, or just see the context of that awesome quote, try Thief. If you loved Heat, watch it again.
Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
Movie
Then there's Harrison Ford; you may know him as Han Solo, Dr. Jones, President Marshall, Dr. Kimble, Detective Book... I could go on. My point: he usually plays a hero; someone you root for. Then there's Allie Fox, the deranged, disillusioned, and idealism-driven protagonist of Peter Weir's The Mosquito Coast. The film follows Ford's Fox as he uproots his Georgia family to live on the Mosquito Coast between Nicaragua and Honduras after the perfection of his ice-making machine. Bear with me. Upon arriving, he purchases a native village and proceeds to expell his ideals onto the natives, building new living quarters, introducing farming, and raising his own family of six among them. Once everything is perfect, he unveils his master plan: to build an ince factory in the jungle so the people of jungle can have ice. He then believes he can convince a shut-off Indian tribe that a block of ice is a rare jewel, failing miserably in the process and putting his family and his village in dire straits. If you like what you hear, stop reading now and watch it. From what I've transcribed, you can tell it's a very original tale, and, trust me, it is. But, there came a point where I said to myself 'this is Top Ten material; I love where this going, and if it stopped here, I would love this film as if it was one of my children. Then, it goes of the deep end and spirals into mania, much like Allie Fox himself. The protagonist goes insane and the movie goes insane. For what it's worth, the film features the BEST explosion I've ever seen on screen (Allie's ammonia-fueled ice factory goes Michael Bay on everyone's ass). The film features exception dialogue and some truly eye-opening rants about capitalism, greed, idealism, and humanistic values that I personally took to heart. And Helen Mirren (who plays Allie's wife) is a fox. Director Peter Weir directed my favorite film, The Truman Show, and an excellent Jeff Bridges vehicle, Fearless, among many other exception others. He hasn't directed a film I haven't liked, so he's getting up there. Getting to my point, Coast bears similarity to Truman because Allie's vision of a perfect society in the jungle mirrors Cristof's vision for the master-planned society of Seahaven Island. As I continue barrelling through Weir pictures, I'll be sure to look for more. All in all, Coast is a great film, albeit some third act flaws.
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Cinematic Experience
Finally, there's Good Night And Good Luck; going back to what I said about watching anything that's nominated for an Oscar (expect, like Norbit or something), I had to check this out. I didn't care for Clooney's first directorial outing, Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind, which was written by Charlie Kaufman (a big plus). I seemed directionless and silly, but still tried to pull off a dramatic ending with all the sillyness. And I'm sure as hell staying away from Leatherheads, which is Clooney's post-Oscar-bump slump, much like William Friedkin's Sorcerer, Coppola's One From The Heart, or Cimino's Heaven's Gate (yes, I'm referring to the Cracked article). Anyway, I'm supposed to tell you about Good Night And Good Luck sucking, not those. One can easily berate me for not liking dialogue-driven period pieces; trust me, I'm not a Michael Bay worshipper-type who only sees movies with the promise of tits and explosions (or exploding tits; that I'd flock to). The film was a dry, expositional history-lesson, complete with an extremely unncessary amount of archive footage of McCarthyism-era court room footage that barely relates to the film. Near the climax, Murrow's show secures McCarthy as a guest, and you, the viewer, begins to get excited. Who is playing McCarthy, the cornerstone character of the whole film, and, more importantly, the 50s? The scene comes, and cuts to archive footage. If their goal was to provide as little screen time to actors, the film should have just been completely archive footage of Murrow's show and court room proceedings. The actors playing people on the screen are relegated to pedestrian plot lines, such as RDJ and Patricia Clarkson's secret marriage, a bit of narrative to fill a 90 minute film that's filled primarily with 50s footage already! It's an important story about an important era, but, it should have been longer. It could have incorporated more aspects of the era; it baldy needed meat, but instead settled on reguritating facts about the red scare in a Star Wars-style marquee after the title sequence. 'Here's what you need to know to enjoy this movie in 10 seconds, so read fast so we can move on, okay?' Look, I made a movie about the media in the 1950s during the red scare! That's boring and obscure enough to get me an Oscar nod, right? No? What if I converted it to black and white? That was it.
Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
Film
COMING SOON - Review: The Godfather Saga (I gotta get Part III out of the way so I can write one, big review. Teaser: II was great.)
- 'The Wrestler' Allegory: The Uncler
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- avant576
- February 17th, 2009
- The Second Best Inside Reference On Television
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- avant576
- February 13th, 2009
During Thursday's episode of 30 Rock, "St. Valentine's Day," the great Jack Donaghy had to go to church with his girlfriend (played by Salma Hayek), who plays a hot nurse (the same role she plays in Across The Universe (albeit for a few seconds)). She tells him he has to go to confession before they can go to a restaurant called 'Plunder,' where a $1000 24-karat-gold-topped dessert awaits them. The priest is played by Zak Orth (who isn't credited, but, I just know). Orth played Eliot Rosenthal from the Levanthal Institute in the pilot episode of Stella, one of the top five cancelled TV shows, IMO, easily stealing the whole episode with his gift of a wicker laundry basket, among other goodies, to the Stella gang for killing their Nazi landlord. He also played multiple roles in the Stella shorts, and, correct me if I'm wrong, he played the Santa with a premature ejaculation problem in the North Pole short (I'm wrong: it was Zach Galifianakis, who has a hilarious online talk show called Between Two Ferns With Zach Galifianakis (find it on YouTube).
To the chase: Jack is giving his confession, in which he confesses to running over his mother with his car, turning the other when one of GE's parent companies turned indigenuous natives orange, and, the inside reference, declaring 'I am God' during a deposition. I absolutely lost my shit. If you've seen Malice, than that's funny to you. If not, I'll explain.
Malice, a 1993 thriller starring Alec Baldwin, Nicole Kidman, Bill Pullman, and Peter Gallagher, was directed by Harold Becker (who did TAPS and Mercury Rising as well) and written by Scott Frank (who also wrote Out Of Sight, one of my favorite films). Frank also directed The Lookout, also one of my favorite films, which starred Jeff Daniels and Josev Gordon-Leavitt (according to Leslie Nielsen's voiceover in the 500 Days Of Summer teaser, it's pronounced 'Josev.'
Malice follows Baldwin's character, Dr. Jed Hill, as he relocates to a new hospital in Boston. Things happen (I'll let you watch the movie), and he goes in for a deposition at request of Kidman's character, because she thinks he deliberately killed someone during surgery (or something stupid like that. The plot is perposterous). During the deposition, he goes off:
"I have an M.D. from Harvard, I am board certified in cardio-thoracic medicine and trauma surgery, I have been awarded citations from seven different medical boards in New England, and I am never, ever sick at sea. So I ask you; when someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees and they pray to God that their wife doesn't miscarry or that their daughter doesn't bleed to death or that their mother doesn't suffer acute neural trama from postoperative shock, who do you think they're praying to? Now, go ahead and read your Bible, 'Dennis,' and you go to your church, and, with any luck, you might win the annual raffle, but if you're looking for God, he was in operating room number two on November 17, and he doesn't like to be second guessed. You ask me if I have a God complex. Let me tell you something: I am God."
It's a great fucking rant. I like it even better than his Glengarry Glen Ross speech. Call me out, but I just love it. Not only do people call the Ross rant the best Alec Baldwin rant, but it's considered the best on-screen rant of all time. Here it is:
I hated the movie, but it's been growing on me lately, especially since I've been experiencing some of the same issues at my new job, including such issues as not getting the good leads and not getting third place. What's third place you ask? Third place is your fired. If you're interested, I'm basically a telemarketer for my school (but probably not for long, because I'm not in first or second place. A Cadillac and a set of steak knives isn't at stake, but the highest paying job on campus is.)
If you refer to the title of the post, it's the second best inside reference I've ever seen. The first, believe it or not, also occured on 30 Rock. They've got some inventive and obscurity-loving writers that fucks like me love. The first occurs during season 2, episode 9; "Ludachristmas." During the episode, Liz Lemon's parents show up to take Liz (and Jack, reluctantly) out for Christmas dinner. Jack offers to cover the check, and Liz's father Dick refuses, telling him "it's not a Lemon party without old Dick!" Anyone who got the reference should have shuddered in pain. For those who don't know what lemon party is, here goes: it's a shocker porn picture that features three naked, elderly gentleman giving each other some schoolboy lovin' and head. I'm reluctant to post the link, but, yeah, there it is. It's a great loophole for mentioning such ghastly thing, and I commend the writers for inserting that bit for us. Whomever us may be.
Here's the "St. Valentine's Day" episode, courtesy of Hulu. The confession scene happens at 11:20... but you should probably watch the whole episode. It's good. The whole show is good. Watch 'em all.
Did you like how I spun a small little reference into a biblical-size essay. Me too.
- I Want To See... Gigantic
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- avant576
- February 10th, 2009
I will do unspeakable things on April 3rd to get myself to this movie; and that will be difficult because one-digit-theater-count type indie films like this don't come to Providence. Anyway, Gigantic is a romantic comedy starring Paul Dano (of the limited There Will Be Blood fame), Zooey Deschanel (My Wildest Dreams), John Goodman (the reason it's called Gigantic I guess), and Ed Asner (he's old (tee-hee)). It's directed by Matt Aselton, first-time director of anytime; it's good to see that you don't have to have a short film to your name in order to score any directing gig. The only thing to his name is a producing credit for a 2006 documentary called Dr. Bronner's Magic Soapbox, which is described as 'a documentary about obsession, compassion and all-purpose soap.' TMI, but it's a testament to how obscure this movie is and could be. I've included the 'exclusive' trailer for your viewing pleasure (it's actually exclusive to RT, for the time being).
- Current Top Ten (as of 2/9/09)
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- avant576
- February 10th, 2009
Here we have the most up-to-date breakdown of my top ten films. Below the review is the film's 'CQ' or cinema quotient. If you've read my reviews, you know. If not, here are the levels:
Not Fit For Human Consumption
An Abomination
A Flick
A Movie
A Cinematic Experience
A Film
A Motion Picture
A Major Motion Picture EventThe CQ is independent of the star rating (0 to 5 stars). For this list, I've omitted the star ratings because all ten have 5 stars. Without further ado...
Motion Picture
10
Primer
I don't know what to think of this film. It was absolutely enthralling, but I didn't understand a lick of it. Nothing seems outside the realm of possibility, which is the crazy part. If anyone understands this movie, they need to be killed. The best part is not knowing what the fuck is going on. Interesting things to point out: the term 'time machine' is never uttered, the film was created with a $7000 budget (which was mostly film stock purchases), and it only had a crew of five. It is never known what city or time period it takes place in because [Shane]Carruth (director/writer/producer/star) deliberately alternated the technology (computers, fridges, phones, etc.) that was used.
Film
9
The Game
I love every David Fincher movie (except Alien 3; I won't waste my time with it (and Fincher wouldn't want me too anyway)). Believe it or not, this is my favorite. While being surprisingly easy to follow plot wise, 'Game' keeps you guessing until the very end... and then you're still guessing. It's also one of the best (and one of the few) defacto love stories (you'll see). Awesome premise, excellent execution, and a mind-numbing outcome combine for one spectacular thriller.
Film
8
Network
The tagline is the truth; it is a perfectly outrageous motion picture. I can't get enough of Faye Dunaway because she is absolutely beautiful. Between this, Bonnie and Clyde, and Chinatown, I can't get enough. On with the review. Director Sidney Lumet breaks down the walls with this thrilling and intriguing comment on the media-driven attitude of the American public in the 1970s, and it rings even truer today. An all-star cast includes an early Robert Duvall and Dunaway, and it's the ensemble here that drives the story. The ending leaves you with a 'they didn't just do that' taste in your mouth and you kind of just sit there and take it all in. It has a real niche appeal, so not everyone will adore it. I know I was like 'they just talked about household shares! Yes!,' but not everyone is like me. This is the type of film were you'll see the $30 boxed set and be like sweet! Network! and totally buy it. See it. Do it. Interesting points: I currently holds the record for the only posthumous acting Oscar, won by Peter Finch (who portrayed the perfectly outrageous Howard Beale (pictured above)). It's a record that will most certainly be matched by Heath Ledger in a mere 12 days for The Dark Knight.
Motion Picture
7
Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer
Never has a film mesmorized me more than this. It starts off slow, particularly with the Dustin Hoffman bits (he just comes off silly), but when our anti-hero (played by a coy, calculated Ben Whishaw (a Bob Dylan in I'm Not There)) gets to Grasse, the story intensifies when new characters (played by Alan Rickman and dangerously cute Rachel Hurd-Wood (who shares two names that belong to my favorite actress)) are introduced. None of their performances are particularly inspired, but you'll find out sooner than later that this is a visual masterpiece, rather than a performance-driven period piece. Tom Tykwer (pronoucned Tick-ver) is slowing inching into my top director field; I just need to see 'The Princess and the Warrior' and 'Wintersleepers' before I can pass serious judgement. 'Lola' is my second favorite film of all time, and 'Heaven,' while visually stunning, didn't blow me away. 'Perfume' takes the number six slot on my all-time favorites list, among many other excellent 2006 films (it's truly the best year for film ever). I'll admit I was thoroughly bored with the first 100 or so minutes of this; it put me into deep sleep twice in a row over two days. But, for a film to come back and bite me in the ass so good like this is truly an amazing feat. I want to bang down the doors of everyone I know right now to make 'Perfume' a part of their lives. You must see it. But here's the best part. Settling down after the credits, I went through my standard post-movie research routine, cueing up Nirvana's 'Scentless Apprentice' for my listening pleasure. As I'm reading trivia, I see "The book was the source of inspiration for the Nirvana song "Scentless Apprentice."" I lost my shit hardcore with that. Anyway, from all of Tywker's little close-ups and fast shots, to the jaw-dropping final sequences, to John Hurt's flawless and engaging narration, 'Perfume' is a rare foreign gem that cannot be passed by. But, it's not for everybody. It's not for A LOT of people.
Film
6
American Beauty
An immensely beautiful and heartbreaking motion picture. "American Beauty," named for the type of rose that's saturated throughout the film, is a twisted yet stunningly real portrayal of suburban angst and regret. I will now call out those who say this and 'Revolutionary Road' are 'basically the same film;' 'Beauty' deals with so many more issues and does it so much less 'predictably.' 'Road' is good in it's own realm, without drawing comparisons. It's a shame and a blessing that my personal Kevin Spacey embargo prevented me from seeing this earlier. But, I may not have respected it as much if I hadn't have waited. Welcome to the top ten.
Motion Picture
5
Apocalypse Now Redux
Clocking in at #4 of my all-time greatest films list is FFC's 1979 classic, 'Apocalypse Now.' Russell Crowe's Bud White from L.A. Confidential will have to drop to #2 of the best film characters of all time to let Brando's Colonel Kurtz take the top spot. Demotions aside, this film scared me, scarred me, and best of all, thrilled me to no end. I didn't know I liked war movies, but to classify this as a war movie is to demote it's standing as film about confrontation, conflict between civilizations, and insanity. I have yet to see Apocalypse Now: Original Recipe, but I'm told I'll be hitting it hard (without condoms) as early as this summer with a colleague. Yes, that's right. I opted to see the 200 minute version first. I also want to see Hearts Of Darkness, the documentary companion piece.
A Major Motion Picture Event
4
The Departed
Scorsese's "only movie with a plot" makes for a watch-once-a-week style picture. The coolest cast ever tops off this essential cops and gangsters movie. I'm told not to watch Infernal Affairs, the J-Crime flick this was adapted from. It's Oscar was definitely deserved and Scorsese got his due at just the right time (Fuck that! He deserved it much earlier than this). If you look up 'Oscar upset' in a hypothetical film dictionary, it defines the term as 'Mark Wahlberg looses to Alan Arkin for Little Miss Sunshine. He has yet to produce anything worthwhile from his momentary nomination (i.e. Shooter, The Happening, Max Payne, The Lovely Bones (WTF?)). If I were to rank ending shock, this would take top prize (albeit the CGI rat).
Film
3
Lola rentt (Run Lola Run)
Welcome to the top three. I could have watched it again right away. Through the mixed use of animation and live-action, 'Lola' impressed the hell out of me. It brings questions about free will, determinism, and existence, all questions I love to ponder. Franke Potente is an electrifying lead actress; you think watching a chick run for probably like an eighth of the film would be so interesting. I knew I'd love this film regardless, but I had no idea it would affect me this much. It's crazy, psychadellic, tragic, and most of all, entertaining on a whole new level.
Film
2
Children Of Men
THE best movie of 2006, moving ahead of the Best Picture, The Departed. A dystopian thrill-ride in a depressing future Britain that leaves you with a 'this could happen' feeling. It'll be a classic film/novel that everybody looks back on and says 'Children Of Men is happening!' kind of like we say 'Brave New World or 1984 is happening!' I'm not saying women will become infertile (actually, you never know), but the nuclear annhilation of the planet element could. I'll never be able to duplicate the feeling I got when the credits rolled when I saw this for the first time. The theater was silent, and people clapped (that actually happens a lot nowadays, and I hate it. Who are you clapping at? The projectionist?). I was too stunned/hopeful/depressed/excited/sick to move my hands. From the mulitple 7-minute+ shots, to the flawless and haunting performances of Owen, Moore, and Cain, 'perfect' is too miniscule a word to describe it.
A Major Motion Picture Event
1
The Truman Show
A close to perfection as you can get. I'd say it's my favorite film; an arthouse film with a $60 million budget. The talent involved and the time spent on this translates into an epic masterpiece. Did you know Cristof was supposed be played by Dennis Hopper? Good thing Ed Harris came on board. Laura Linney is amazing, as always, and Noah Emmerich makes himself known. And Jim Carrey; in order not be typecast as a comedic actor, he signed on to this after Liar Liar in order to take on a dramatic role. Little did he know, it would define his career as a dramatic actor. After writing and directing Gattaca, Andrew Niccol was recognized for his talent, and went on to write this, finding Peter Weir as the fearless director in the process. It all came together, over a few years, and one the most original and spectacular films was created. Scratch that; THE most original and spectacular film was created. The score is hopeful, but haunting. The acting is masterfully crafted to be wooden. The final scenes SHOULD make you cry. It's amazing. A film for a true film lover.
